‘The Bachelor’ Week Three Recap: The Beauty Queen Showdown

Last week, I was baking cookies whilst watching The Bachelor.

This week, I decided to make chicken adobo.  How’s that for a change of pace?  I just checked on my creation and I started salivating out of control.

We start this episode with Chris Harrison talking to the girls about the last week and how they’re feeling.  However, we all know he’s there to deliver a group date card so let’s get on with it!

Group date: It’s a pirate life

Katie, Heather, Hannah B., Caelynn, Courtney, Kirpa, Tracey, and Demi – “I’m looking for life’s greatest treasure”.

They show up at a theatre and are introduced to two pirates, Chris and Cindy.  They dress up as pirates, all whilst Demi twirls around the room and states the “Greatest treasure is standing right in front of you”. Ah, Demi.  Never a dull moment.

The girls are given ‘weapons’ (using that term loosely) and they have to fight each other.  The winner gets to spend more time with Colton.  Hannah B goes in on this thing and attacks every girl with a ferocity of a woman possessed.  She has her eye on the prize and is broken-hearted when she doesn’t get chosen to be one of the final two to battle it out.

Caelynn and Tracey are chosen as the final two to save Colton.  Caelynn wins.  Meanwhile, Hannah B is shown having a meltdown by the stage.  She also declares Colton doesn’t know the real Caelynn and she needs to tell Colton the truth about her.  Remember how I mentioned they have a bit of history through pageantry? Apparently, the producers are running with that line because Hannah B. and Caelynn get a lot of air time compared to the other women.  #drama

 

Demi makes him nervous.  The poor man is shaking like a leaf when he sees that Demi is coming over to steal him.  She proceeds to blindfold him, make him bend over and spank him with a paddle.  You do you, boo.  Demi also gets pulled aside because her interactions with the girls are fairly…abrasive. She’s clearly there for the right reasons and not to make friends, but hun, you have to live with these people.  In a mansion.  Where your every move is making international television.

screen shot 2019-01-25 at 5.55.36 am

Caelynn gets some one-on-one time with Colton and we get to see the connection they have.  It’s there. Electric.  We also get to see Hannah B having a meltdown and describing how ‘befumbled‘ she is by the situation.  It takes a conversation with one girl for her to make up her mind and tell Colton what happened between her and Caelynn.  It takes a turn for the worst when she says that Colton can’t have feelings for her (Hannah B) if he has feelings for Caelynn.  And that conversation ensured Hannah B’s departure from the show.  She knows this because, as she walks away, she says “He fricking hates me.” Yeah, he kinda does.

Needless to say, he grabs Caelynn for another chat.  Somehow, this conversation goes from being about Caelynn and Hannah B to how Caelynn has faced some “real life shit”.  She said that tonight is not the night to tell him whatever happened in her past, so that means she’s going to stick around.  Obviously, opening up about this “real life shit” means she gets the group date rose.  Naturally.  Hannah B is even more befumbled and we see a preview of a full-scale meltdown.

Ok, we’re back at the mansion and we’re still on the Caelynn vs Hannah B. topic. Caelynn is crying to a group of girls and Hannah B is low-key calling Colton an idiot because she is definitely going home before Caelynn.  Sorry, hun.

Time for a single date!

Elyse – “love is in the air”.

Guys, she’s “stinking excited”.  Too cute.  We’re excited for you too, boo.

We get the typical ‘we’re driving’ shot from the producers and they pull up in front of a helicopter.  Naturally.  They’re flying to San Diego and I’m just jealous that I’m not on this date.  They go to Belmont Park and they have the whole place to themselves.  Or do they?

Colton tells Elyse that it is actually a group date and you can see Elyse go from happy to “I’m going to stab someone” in two seconds.  Luckily for the producers, a group of kids runs out – screaming – ready for a day of fun at the theme park.  Cute.  Elyse said she’s a smitten kitten.  I am too.

Seeing Elyse and Colton interact with the children is the cutest thing ever.  I’m falling in love with both of them.

screen shot 2019-01-25 at 5.54.43 am
Elyse / Instagram

Elyse and Colton continue to the dinner date and they have a conversation about Elyse’s family.  Her sister was pregnant and found out that she had cancer.  Being pregnant, they couldn’t do anything about it.  Her sister passed away, leaving behind the little baby and her family, and a charity was started in her honour.  Honestly, I was skeptical about Elyse and Colton’s connection, but this night has cemented it.  They’re good. We’re good.  Done.

But we’re not.

She gets the rose and Colton leads her into another room where Tenille Arts is singing to a crowd of people.  Elyse and Colton dance and my heart melts.

Time for another group date!

Tayshia, Nina, Catherine, Sydney, Onyeka, Cassie, Nicole, and Caitlyn – “For every strong man, there is an even stronger woman”.

They arrive at a gym and see Colton shirtless which is always a good time.  I, too, can appreciate a shirtless male.  Here for it.

screen shot 2019-01-25 at 5.55.05 am
Colton / Instagram

It’s a basic set up.  Everyone gets very sweaty.  I don’t know if the producers have thought this through.  Oh well.  They end up competing in games, including a tire flip and limo pull.  Onyeka wins and the women ‘tow’ them away in the limo.

We go to the night part of the group date and everyone gets to have uninterrupted conversations with him.

We get to see his conversation with Caitlyn.  From the second they sit down, we can see they have absolutely zero chemistry.  He’s looking for a wife and she was talking about meeting a guy that can go out and do stupid stuff with her and her friends.  You can see Colton shut down and start to question everything when she says that.  I’m not surprised that he sends her home.  I am surprised by her saying “I don’t think I want to hold your hand, Colton” as he’s walking her out.  I know it’s a shitty situation, but that line was especially cutting.

We go back to the women on the group date and Colton gives the rose to Nicole.

We’re having a pool party!

No cocktail party for us, kids.

We’re going to have a pool party instead!

The day starts off strong, with lots of fun and laughter and Colton running around shirtless.  That quickly changes as Colton starts to talk to Caelynn and Hannah B about their drama.  Essentially, it’s a she-said, she-said sort of deal.  They’re both calling the other deceitful and manipulative.  It’s a merry-go-round of the worst kind and it puts Colton, Caelynn and Hannah B in a spin.

Hannah B says she has “a beautiful monster inside of me” and makes a terrifying monster face.  I think we’re starting to see that she is the one with issues, not Caelynn.

Kind of a weird way to end a pool party, but we go into the rose ceremony.

Exits:

  • Catherine
  • Bri
  • Nina

I feel like this week was definitely focussed on the drama more than the love story, which is a shame.  I was surprised he kept both girls in the group, but then #drama.  I guess we’ll just have to see what the next week brings!

signature, the caffeinated millennial

2 thoughts on “‘The Bachelor’ Week Three Recap: The Beauty Queen Showdown

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