Beginning again

Dawn is my favourite time of day.

There’s something to be said for being awake before the rest of the world to watch a new day unfold. It’s a peaceful time. Just you and the sounds of nature, unsullied by the sounds of cars, sirens, and toddlers shouting “Muuuuuuuum!” from their bedroom.

Like I said, it’s a peaceful time.

Most days, you will find me with a cup of coffee and a good book, snuggled in bed with a candle burning in the background. It is my “me time”. The time when I get to take a full, deep breath and appreciate the life I have created for myself and my son.

One morning, I was mindlessly scrolling on Instagram (as you do, am I right?) and I came across a text that struck a chord with me.

“There is something you currently already have, that the you from five years ago would be tremendously proud of.”

It made me pause because we are always in search of something more in this “always on”, rat race world.

We want the faster car, bigger house, more money, flash-y holidays, and the designer bag. We want more, more, more and we want it now. But do we ever stop and reflect on what we’re doing to get from where we are to where we think we want to be?

The twenty-one year old version of myself would horrified to learn that we’re not the high-flying, country-hopping public relations/journalist superstar we had envisioned. I had plans to work remote and travel the world as I “found myself” and made my mark on the world. Falling pregnant in my final year of my degree changed all of those plans (and then some).

The twenty-two year old version of myself handled that curveball in the best way she could with the tools she had at the time…and I am so damn proud of her.

Because she really had no idea what was coming for her.

It was an opportunity to begin again. To slow down and celebrate life for what it is really about.

Love. Human connection. Trying. Failing. Trying again. Growth. Change. Passion. Falling down. More growth. Loving again.

I like to believe my public relations/journalist life would have made me happy and fulfilled but now – in this stage of life – absolutely nothing makes me happier than seeing my son after a daycare visit, a phone call with a friend, and giving my time to those who need it most.

I think my old self would have missed that. All of it.

If nothing else, the one thing I have carried with me is my stubbornness and resilience. Those qualities bore the willingness to begin again and to try something new. For the longest time, I was afraid of failing. I was scared that if something didn’t work one way then it was never going to work. I am slowly, slowly breaking through those limiting beliefs because here I am – at twenty six years old – beginning again and going back to university.

I have been saying “I am going to be a Masters student” for the last six months, as if time wasn’t passing by in the blink of an eye.

Well, it was.

My first day of class is on Monday and I am feeling all of the emotions. Excitement, happiness, elation, terror, joy, fear, worry, and everything in-between.

The wait is finally over. I really truly am a Masters student.

Here I am.

Beginning again.

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